Okay, well, it seems that:

1) I no longer post often.
2) When I do it is boring emo shit.
3) Probably due to 1 and 2 above, no one seems to read this anyway, let alone comment, etc.
4) Nobody probably gives a shit anyway.

So, due to this above, and possibly apart from the odd thing, this here blog is:

As some of you know, Poppy destroyed my mobile phone...

So, could you please let me have your phone numbers again.

Comments are screened, so only I (and perhaps the poster) can see them.

You lot are boring.

So, what's been happening in this miserable fucktard's life...

November saw me have a mini flip out, as I usually do at that time of year (SAD, anyone?). This time though, it was aggravated by a naughty puppy - normally I could handle her better, but it just worked out this way. And, well, I withdrew from things before I pissed any more people off.

Christmas was fucking shit as, perhaps the worst in years. I turned down an invite to go stay with friends, to go down to my aunt and uncle's - I thought they meant Christmas day, but they were thinking of boxing day. As it turns out, my uncle was bed ridden for several days with some sort of "uber flu", so that was cancelled. I had a total of 6 Christmas cards, and nothing else.

And yesterday, I just spent alone. Again.

So, how fan-bloody-tastic.

I was hoping that 2009 would be better, but it started out with me waking to a cold house - yes, the heating is fucked again. It's been around 14°C in here today. I actually did some washing so I could use the tumble drier to help heat the place.

Yes, a great start to the year. Let's hope it does improve.

"It was shit."

I think that more or less sums up 2008.

Next door are having a party and are "singing" YMCA.


To those who care: Happy New Year.

I noticed a fair bit of blood on one of Poppy's toys yesterday - it seems her lower canine teeth are coming through behind her puppy teeth, so she sort of has two sets at the moment.

She's been spoilt a bit with her walks this week. I've taken her to Victoria Park, where she met loads of other dogs, then we went to Chew Valley lake on Friday and then along (well, part way) the Bristol & Bath path yesterday - a steam train went past a feet away and I am pleased to say that it did not freak her out. She met a 4 month lab puppy, they got on very well, but it was surprising to see the difference in size, and Poppy is only a month older.

Everyone seems to love her and most people want to make a fuss of her. Poppy, of course, loves this and looks for it from everyone. Demanding bitch.

Doing what? I hear you ask...

Being too nice. Perhaps if I was a complete cunt, I'd not be single. It also seems women are more likely to leave you if you're too nice, than if you're an asshole. Seriously, there's just no pleasing them.

Oh, whatever.

At least I had a few smiles from the barmaid, and breasts from another lass pushed into me last night (very nice they were, too). However, I am way too cynical and I put the former down to the barmaid doing her job and possibly enticing me to spend my money (£3 for a fucking pint of cider! THREE FUCKING QUID!), and the other lass was rather drunk.

I was drinking cider, which was probably not a good idea. I got a little tipsy, and felt a bit dizzy a couple of times, and my legs started going. And I've been in and out of the bog all day.

Dearest Poppy,

I know you are just a puppy, but please could you do these things for me:

When you come running from the other end of the room, please do not launch from the floor, aimed directly for my manhood. I really would like the chance to have children at some point.

The chairs, bicycle, computer stuff, etc., in front of the dining table is there for a reason. Yes, that reason is to stop you going up to the top of the room, where there is loads of goodies you'd like to destroy. So please stop trying to breach the "wall", you are not trying to imitate the great escape.

I don't like putting you in your crate so often, so please try and behave when I tell you to.

Pulling like a shire horse when you are on the lead will not get you to the source of that interesting smell any faster - all it will do is make my back sore.

I am not a chew toy.

When I let you out into the back garden, it's not so you can dig the lawn, knock over tubs and dig the plants out of them.

You are not French, stop eating snails.

My shoes are not toys, if you destroy them, there will be no walkies.

I told you to leave the stuff on the stairs alone, now it's in a big pile at the bottom of the stairs.

And finally, for now, I am the boss, you are supposed to obey me.

Yours sincerely,

Andrew.




Dear Andrew,

I would just like to point out a few things.

Firstly, I am just a puppy, I like to play, run, eat, sleep and chew.

There are nice unchewed things at the other end of the table.

Snails, I like playing with them before I chomp them. Crunchy on the outside, slimy on the inside. What is French?

The back garden is fun, I like digging, why can't I dig?

Please walk faster, perhaps I would not have to pull.

Your shoes are fun toys, I like throwing them around and shaking them about. Not sure about the smell though.

But pushing that stuff down the stairs was fun, especially when the big box landed on the cans of Pepsi, causing three of them to burst and drain into the carpet. Oh the look on your face...

You think you're the boss? Yeah right, you keep thinking that...

Yours sincerely,

Poppy.

I really need to stop Poppy from jumping up...

She's at the height where she keeps catching me in the bollocks (usually the right one).

I was hoping the laptop would be OK once it had dried out, but no such luck. It goes to start, then just conks out.

It means I'll have to buy a new one, and I can't afford to keep buying stuff like this.

There's no other choice right now for me to chuck her in her crate while I use this machine up here.

Fuck sake.